I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
