Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
