I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
