end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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