he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
