My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
