Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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