I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
