let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
