I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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