i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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