He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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