He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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