Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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