No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
