I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
