I'm really into asian looking animals
I am in a vortex of obligation.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
4 words: hood of his car
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
