Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
