i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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