apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
