There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
