Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
