It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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