Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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