So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
