You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize