dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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