i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
