M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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