i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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