sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
