So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
