I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
