I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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