My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
