Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
