I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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