Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
