Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
