how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
