if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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