the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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