He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
