four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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