hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
