I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize