you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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