we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i now understand why vodka
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
