i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
