You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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