She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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