Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
