Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
