is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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