you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize