I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
