Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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