Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
