She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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