went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize