is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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