he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
