Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
