Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
