I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
