I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
