you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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