Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
