I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
