Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize