Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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