I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
