and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
