I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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