I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
