About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize